How do I look?

When I put on make-up, or dye my hair, am I trying to look better to others or to myself? Do I feel better when someone else says I look nice? Or when I think I look nice? I honestly believe its the latter, because no matter how your dressed, if you feel happy about how you look, how your dressed and how you’re seen, you tend to be happier in general.
What do you think?

Alone in a crowded room.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

Screamed, yet heard nothing but silence?

Have you ever sobbed from your heart,

but felt empty, helpless, lost?

Do you dream of your future,

or another reality?

Grieve for those lost,

or the memories long gone?

Are your smiles genuine?

Do you hide your pain?

Am I alone in this nightmare?

Am I alone in this game?

Tomorrow is the future.

What do I want from life? From myself? My future seems like forever away, a distant dream. In reality it’s every step, every breath and every word. My future is being shaped by the choices I make, by the moments I regret, and the ones I treasure. It scares me how close I am to finishing school, to entering a new part of my life, a journey I’m not sure of.
Will I reach those goals I’m constantly striving for? Live the life I dream of? Meet my inspirations? There’s so much I want in life, from life, yet so little time to achieve it.

What If I don’t reach my dreams? What if I can’t? The uncertainty remains to circle my mind, constantly allowing myself to doubt. I wish I could be sure about what’s around the corner, even just up the street. I wish mistakes weren’t apart of life, and that I didn’t have to make them. But ultimately, wishing won’t make them happen, wishing will merely inspire. It’s up to me to allow them to come true.

Tomorrow is my future. Today was the past. It’s time to start accepting the challenge of life and living while I still have the opportunity. I feel as if my life hasn’t begun, while it started long ago. How do I begin something I’ve already started?

Broken Friendships.

A very large part of life in the 21st century is the need for human companionship. Friends come and go, friendships grow and change, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. Whether your 6, 16, 56 or 106, friendships remain to come and go. Who will my friends be when I finish school? Chances are they won't be the same people I'm close with at the moment. Last year I was close with certain people, yet now I find myself with a whole new group. So what changed? When did it change? Was it something I did? Said?

Sometimes it shocks me how much my life has changed over the last couple of years, how much I've learnt, how much I've gained, and how much I've lost. I never would have thought I'd drift from certain people, or that I'd be friends with others, but as times change, I change along with it. People always make a big fuss about how people don't change. For the most part, I disagree. I don't think its a vice, it's simply a part of life. An unavoidable, unchangeable part. People can change, and people do change.

I guess all we can do is treasure the friendships we do have, because like everything else in life, it doesn't last forever, and when it breaks, most of the time, it can't be glued back together. All we can do is remember what it once was, as we stare at the broken pieces and wish we'd been more careful.

Hawaii Post.

I am currently in Hawaii.
It shocks and amuses me to see all the different cultures, accents and realities.

As we walked Waikiki streets at night, we watched the street performers, we listened to the desperate pleas for us to buy their goods, or simply tell their boss they referred us.
But where do these people go home to?
What do these people go home to?
Are they faced with a disappointing reality? Struggling for food, for water, for warmth and companionship.
I want to help them, but is such a goal reachable?

The truth is, its not.
I may be able to give them money, or buy what they're selling, but I can't give all my money,

What would that leave me with?
I sound selfish, I sound rude.
But it's a simple truth. I can't save the world, nor the people in it.
I am enjoying this holiday, enjoying the freedom and relaxation, the climate and people around me.
But it saddens me that while I am enjoying myself. While I'm eating nice foods, buying nice clothes, there are people sleeping on the streets, people making a huge amount of effort, just to raise money for their next meal.
Reality isn't fair. In some cases, it's just cruel. The worst part is, I can't change that.
P.S. Today I, got the nod from a Real American Gangster, got invited to a party with a bunch of random men and twirled my hair while listening to a French man try to sell me a wind chime (until mum said, "I'm going shopping while my daughter stays to listen to your accent") Hawaii is fun.
I have also decided, as I am currently having an obsession with the French, that I am going to marry a Frenchman.
Just in case you were wondering..

Today is.

Today is black, like a starless night,

No light in the darkness, just a depth-less black.

It's a violin at a funeral, playing an endless tune,

and a shark circling the ocean,

with grace, but determination looms from within.

Today is a waltz, slow, yet sparks fly between.

I crawl though this nightmare, eager to awake to a dream.

I wrote this poem for a literature workshop, it's lame. Yes.

We were told to write it in a specific way, to show an emotion using:
A colour,

An instrument,
An animal,
A dance,
& A movement.

That's the best I could come up with, and as I have nothing else to do with the poem, I figured I should just put it on here. Goodbye.

Time Was.

"Those who can't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it"

-George Santanyana

If you could go back into the past, would you?

Would you change something, say something else?

& What would the effects of that change be? Would it change your whole future?

It's easy to say yes, that you would change a lot. Say more. Say less.

But if it were possible, would you actually do it?

Would you risk your current reality for a simple sentence?

I'd like to believe that everything happens for a reason.

I'd like to believe that everything I've ever said, or not said, will impact my future, my hopefully happy future.

For example, if I had of stood up for myself in primary school more, been more confident, maybe I would have joined that "It" crowd.. then now, more than likely, I would be doing what all of them seem to be doing.. dropping out of school, limiting their choices for the future. While instead, I'm continuing school, and one day when I'm rich and happy with my job, I'll laugh at the thought of ever wanting to be involved with them. Jokes on those suckers. Chances are one day they'll walk past a book store, written by me, and think, "I went to school with her! Why did I always treat her like shit? When now, she's successful and I'm not".

Well.. I doubt they will actually think that, but hey, can't hurt to imagine them doing so.

I think that if I could go back, I would only change certain things.

Like I would tell my lost loved ones that I loved them, before they died.

I would not bother with replies to bitchy comments, just delete them and move on.

Making mistakes has made me who I am, so why should I change them?

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is definitely true in this case.

Like that quote I heard in History said,

"By understanding out past, we can get a better shape of our future"

What about if you could go to the future, would you?

Would you be able to appreciate the present, when you know what's ahead?

Time is a strange thing.

Time holds the key to life. To who we were, who we are, and who we will be.

& each is influenced entirely on each other.

Every mistake, every joy has it's own influence. As does every friend, every enemy and every acquaintance.

We can wish to be somewhere else, in another time, another place, another life.

But in the end, the only things we can change, are in the present, in the current moment..

Think before you do. Because you can't change the past.

So, Hello from the past, enjoy your present & good luck with your future;

xo