Sometimes the smallest things can blow your confidence.
yesterday I had a bad day. I mean, the day was good but at one point everything felt wrong.
I hold a lot in, not because I don't have people that I trust.. But because I don't want everyone thinking I'm pathetic, and I don't want people to worry about me, when everyone has their own problems to deal with.
But yesterday, it felt like I had been hit in the face.
Firstly, I found out how close Christmas was, and remembered that this is the first Christmas without my Grandad and Great Nana..
Secondly, My bestfriend came online and I remembered the friendship we had(keyword: had)
We're not fighting or anything.. but we never talk anymore.. and it just upset me.
and then it went all wrong from there. I felt completely alone, forgotten.. All my problems just started coming forward and I felt like shit.
then my friend, who has a weird sense of humor, made a joke about my weight. No, I'm not fat.. I'm not skinny either though. He made the joke because apparently "you can make fat jokes about skinny people".
But I'm self conscience.. and I was already in a bad state of mind.
& I cracked.. I broke.. I shattered.
I got upset about a joke that was meant to make me laugh.
Should problems be bottled up or shared?
I hold a lot in, not because I don't have people that I trust.. But because I don't want everyone thinking I'm pathetic, and I don't want people to worry about me, when everyone has their own problems to deal with.
But yesterday, it felt like I had been hit in the face.
Firstly, I found out how close Christmas was, and remembered that this is the first Christmas without my Grandad and Great Nana..
Secondly, My bestfriend came online and I remembered the friendship we had(keyword: had)
We're not fighting or anything.. but we never talk anymore.. and it just upset me.
and then it went all wrong from there. I felt completely alone, forgotten.. All my problems just started coming forward and I felt like shit.
then my friend, who has a weird sense of humor, made a joke about my weight. No, I'm not fat.. I'm not skinny either though. He made the joke because apparently "you can make fat jokes about skinny people".
But I'm self conscience.. and I was already in a bad state of mind.
& I cracked.. I broke.. I shattered.
I got upset about a joke that was meant to make me laugh.
Should problems be bottled up or shared?
The obvious answer is to "share". Even I know that. But does anyone really care?
Sometimes it feels like they don't.
I wish I could get rid of this feeling I have. That I'm unwanted and unwantable.
I wish I was confident.
I wish I was happy.
Sometimes it feels like they don't.
I wish I could get rid of this feeling I have. That I'm unwanted and unwantable.
I wish I was confident.
I wish I was happy.
But they're only wishes.
I need to start concentrating on reality. I'm far too wrapped up in wishes and daydreams.
I'm off, to face reality.
I need to start concentrating on reality. I'm far too wrapped up in wishes and daydreams.
I'm off, to face reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment